Change of Scenery

Change is good, right? After the past few years, I've learned that most change is good for the soul, but there also comes a point where change no longer benefits you or those around you. Granted, I didn't always feel this way. After much monotony, and little growth in my life, I decided to change every aspect I could possibly affect. I came up with about 8 major ways to become unstuck all at once and it resulted in an emotional overload. Sort of like a kid's first time jumping in a pool- it took a scary experience of feeling like I couldn't breathe, a rescue from a certain life preserver of mine- and after the initial shock I was soon able to manage bits of change without freaking out. However, I also learned not to dive in the deep end unprepared again.

The past few years in my career have been a bit tumultuous at times, but nonetheless amazing growth experiences for me. Only recently did I finally have to say "uncle" when I looked around me and nothing was the same as when I started, and not necessarily in a way that was healthy. Today I finally said goodbye to my company after a long grieving process- that started a year ago. Why did I stay around so long you ask? The same way love is blind, was my affection for my job. A glamorous Internet start-up, which was a sure-to-be-big company a few years down the road. The talent, the people, the ideas, the friendships developed. It was my five year home. Or so I thought, hoped, wished.

I don't know how to sum up the changes in one sentence, in fact it could probably fill a book, and they certainly amount to more than my initial 8ish changes that almost crumbled me a few years ago. I stayed strong, unbreakable, because I had no option. I had to press forward. I wanted to press forward in hopes of things picking back up again. But one day the sun disappeared and in the darkness it was a home I didn't know anymore.

Of course, this all sounds very dramatic, but if you were in the inside lines with me you wouldn't dispute- you would merely nod your head with the same knowing I feel. The next few days ahead of me I have great hopes for- and the next few years even more. What I can endure, I become stronger for- and I believe sticking through discomfort for an entire year can bring unbelievable growth. I just am not sure I would ever recommend it...

Credit Cards Begone!

If you haven't noticed, my moniker gives away a deep, dark, not so secret fact about me: I love to shop. Sure, it's a common trait for most women in their twenties, and really most women in general (sorry to out you ladies!) But for me nothing beats the process of point, click, discover, "add to bag", and checkout. Within minutes I can locate any item I so desire- and within a short waiting time it will arrive at my doorstep- all without leaving the comfort of my couch/bed/office chair...you get the idea.

Like most nasty little habits, this online shopping really rears its head in times of trouble. In the words of Rebecca Bloomwood, "When I shop the world gets better, the world is better; and then it's not anymore and I have to do it again." It seems through every stressful life event, I know I can always turn to my online fix fo a quick pick-me-up. Wedding stress due to 8 million vendor phone calls and bickering parents? Solved! Compliments of JCrew and all of its cute sundresses that completed my honeymoon wardrobe. Trying to land a new job but worried no one will hire me? Not to fear, with Ann Taylor's full Fall Collection now in my closet, I'm well armed for any interview! Now with bulging closets, a personal relationship with our UPS delivery guy, and a stack of worn out credit cards, I've decided it's time to re-evaluate.

As you may agree, life always has stressful events to deal out. The moment one storm has quelled, another one is rolling in. Thus, the totals of my shopping sprees are barely paid off when the next online extravaganza begins. So, here I sit after a year of nothing but those events: a flood that destroyed all my furniture, a wedding complete with family drama, a major job change with stress along the way, and all of the fun in between. Suze Orman would not be proud of my bank statements, but she would be proud of my newfound resolve to end it all. Sure, I hear snickering in the background, but I really mean it this time!

I officially informed the hubby we are on a cash/envelope/no credit card plan. His response? "Of course, no problem!"Funny, I thought it would be much harder to break the news to him...or maybe I had to announce it to fully acknowledge the dire change needed. Regardless, here goes! Wish me luck (I think I may need it).