Change of Scenery

Change is good, right? After the past few years, I've learned that most change is good for the soul, but there also comes a point where change no longer benefits you or those around you. Granted, I didn't always feel this way. After much monotony, and little growth in my life, I decided to change every aspect I could possibly affect. I came up with about 8 major ways to become unstuck all at once and it resulted in an emotional overload. Sort of like a kid's first time jumping in a pool- it took a scary experience of feeling like I couldn't breathe, a rescue from a certain life preserver of mine- and after the initial shock I was soon able to manage bits of change without freaking out. However, I also learned not to dive in the deep end unprepared again.

The past few years in my career have been a bit tumultuous at times, but nonetheless amazing growth experiences for me. Only recently did I finally have to say "uncle" when I looked around me and nothing was the same as when I started, and not necessarily in a way that was healthy. Today I finally said goodbye to my company after a long grieving process- that started a year ago. Why did I stay around so long you ask? The same way love is blind, was my affection for my job. A glamorous Internet start-up, which was a sure-to-be-big company a few years down the road. The talent, the people, the ideas, the friendships developed. It was my five year home. Or so I thought, hoped, wished.

I don't know how to sum up the changes in one sentence, in fact it could probably fill a book, and they certainly amount to more than my initial 8ish changes that almost crumbled me a few years ago. I stayed strong, unbreakable, because I had no option. I had to press forward. I wanted to press forward in hopes of things picking back up again. But one day the sun disappeared and in the darkness it was a home I didn't know anymore.

Of course, this all sounds very dramatic, but if you were in the inside lines with me you wouldn't dispute- you would merely nod your head with the same knowing I feel. The next few days ahead of me I have great hopes for- and the next few years even more. What I can endure, I become stronger for- and I believe sticking through discomfort for an entire year can bring unbelievable growth. I just am not sure I would ever recommend it...

Nobody Likes A Gossip

For those of you who read this blog, I hope you enjoy my entries with the same light-hearted, creative spirit in which I write. I never thought I would have to write a disclaimer on my own writing, but I understand by writing in a public venue I open myself to both support and judgement.
By no means is my blog a final report for all of the happenings in my life. As you may be aware, most bloggers don't treat their blogs as a "news update", but rather a place to vent, share, and connect. If anything directly concerns you or will implicate you "off the page", trust me I will let you know.

To those of you who simply enjoy my blog for entertainment, thank you! :)

Me? Self restraint? Never.

I must start this entry by saying I'm a reformed shopper, seriously. But I may have to clarify this statement- buying a house isn't shopping right??! It's an investment...that will withstand the test of time, unlike the "super cute" wide leg seersucker pants I found at Anthropologie only a year ago and already seem so outdated (really, I only wore them once. tragic.)

It all started with a little cabin fever. The hubby & I returned from our wedding/honeymoon extravaganza, only to realize how truly small our place seemed. The solution? Decorate! Sure it helped, but there's nothing like the feeling of space. Especially when you have neighbors oh-so-kindly blaring music at 2 a.m., you have to truck groceries up 3 flights of stairs after navigating city traffic, and you never really get to know anyone in the revolving door rental market these days. Just to name a few things.

So take this cabin fever, sprinkle in a little bit of "I'm going to be 30 soon"(ahem, not me of course), add a dash of sympathy for our dogs' lack of happiness living in a box, and you bring us to about last Tuesday. On Wednesday, the adventure began. An innocent "peek" at a model in our friends' neighborhood turned to a follow-up email to a realtor, hours of research, calls to lenders, checks & balances of bank statements, and many discussions in our household. Which brings us to yesterday. Ah, Saturday. The idle day that can lead to so much trouble.

We set up another innocent appointment, this time with the realtor of the property development. Oh wait- I forgot to mention- we didn't start looking at starter homes, fixer-uppers, or houses to later trade in- no we started with the Big Kahuna. A whopping 3200 sq foot, shiny, brand new, build to suit special. "Completely practical" we reassured one another! "A deal we can't pass up!" "Just the way we want it..." After spending 2 1/2 hours with the "kind", "honest" realtor I (not we) abruptly agreed to drop off a check the following morning. Oops. I thought we both agreed on that??

Fast forward 24 more hours: I have in hand an intent-to-purchase agreement, a cloud overhead hoping all of the magic set to happen before our final appointment this Friday does in fact happen, and a now happy husband that's on the same page. After sorting through a stack of home magazines, paint swatches, and a few hours at Home Depot, I'm hoping soon I can just enjoy the massive case of butterflies I have for Lot #105. However, as the dear hubby would say, "This may kill you before our house is done". HA!
We'll see about that, my love...I hope you're wrong.

Credit Cards Begone!

If you haven't noticed, my moniker gives away a deep, dark, not so secret fact about me: I love to shop. Sure, it's a common trait for most women in their twenties, and really most women in general (sorry to out you ladies!) But for me nothing beats the process of point, click, discover, "add to bag", and checkout. Within minutes I can locate any item I so desire- and within a short waiting time it will arrive at my doorstep- all without leaving the comfort of my couch/bed/office chair...you get the idea.

Like most nasty little habits, this online shopping really rears its head in times of trouble. In the words of Rebecca Bloomwood, "When I shop the world gets better, the world is better; and then it's not anymore and I have to do it again." It seems through every stressful life event, I know I can always turn to my online fix fo a quick pick-me-up. Wedding stress due to 8 million vendor phone calls and bickering parents? Solved! Compliments of JCrew and all of its cute sundresses that completed my honeymoon wardrobe. Trying to land a new job but worried no one will hire me? Not to fear, with Ann Taylor's full Fall Collection now in my closet, I'm well armed for any interview! Now with bulging closets, a personal relationship with our UPS delivery guy, and a stack of worn out credit cards, I've decided it's time to re-evaluate.

As you may agree, life always has stressful events to deal out. The moment one storm has quelled, another one is rolling in. Thus, the totals of my shopping sprees are barely paid off when the next online extravaganza begins. So, here I sit after a year of nothing but those events: a flood that destroyed all my furniture, a wedding complete with family drama, a major job change with stress along the way, and all of the fun in between. Suze Orman would not be proud of my bank statements, but she would be proud of my newfound resolve to end it all. Sure, I hear snickering in the background, but I really mean it this time!

I officially informed the hubby we are on a cash/envelope/no credit card plan. His response? "Of course, no problem!"Funny, I thought it would be much harder to break the news to him...or maybe I had to announce it to fully acknowledge the dire change needed. Regardless, here goes! Wish me luck (I think I may need it).

The Decade of In-Between

I recently found myself "in between" many life stages- between marriage and baby, city and suburbs, debt and financial freedom, and mostly, a continuous need for change and contentment. What is it about this mysterious resting place in our twenties, that drives the need for continuous achievement and asking "what's next"?

I am equally thankful and resentful for this inner question, mostly because it has helped me achieve and be where I'm at today, but at the same time has hindered any periods of stalling out- or kicking up my feet to enjoy the time passing. Perhaps if I was more focused on socializing and staying in my college state of just being, I would currently be working as both a yoga instructor & a barista? Not that I resent either of those options- I am very thankful for both of those people in my life!

I guess what I'm trying to say, is the state of continuous need for change has helped propel me forward, but at the same point still makes me wonder when it all stops? Or when does it stall? Does one need kids, a four bedroom house, a summer home, the SUV, to slow it all down? Or is that just what we do to fill the empty space within?

I recently reconnected with an old friend who works for the Peace Corps, and I truly admired his lease on life. Sure he only makes $200 a month, but what did he truly need to live in a third world country? He was just as vibrant as I remember him being, and had the air of fulfillment. For a moment, I would've given anything to trade places...I remembered having that same spirit inside me.

I certainly don't have the answers, but appreciate that I at least ask the questions.